The verdict is in and proof that Kentucky cyclists are ugly.

Apologies, for not posting in a while. I’ve been away and quite busy for much of August. Hopefully I’ll get some more up right away.

But, as I was looking for pictures for this post I came across some pictures of people from Kentucky. And it seems all my fears about cycling in Kentucky are well founded, plus I was able to confirm another suspicion of mine.

And the verdict is in: those little helmet mirrors…

are ugly.

It’s unfortunate and unnecessary too, if she took all of the ridiculous shit off of her helmet she’d just be a person riding her bike. Instead she looks like a very poor attempt at a Halloween cyborg costume.

Bicycle Helmet Laws

This article: http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/story/2011/08/12/bc-vancouver-helmet-law.html was on the CBC today about a guy who is trying to mount a Charter of Rights case against helmet laws. I think this guy is an idiot, and is going about this argument in entirely the wrong way.

I oppose helmet laws not because some flimsy study says they might be bad, but because we shouldn’t make something as casual and everyday as riding a bicycle a safety issue. If governments and society seriously want more people to ride bicycles, for environmental reasons, for health reasons, to reduce traffic congestion or whatever, then we should be reducing the number of barriers for people to just get on a bicycle and ride to the store to pick up a few groceries. When you implement mandatory helmet laws what you’re saying is that bicycle riding is dangerous and scary, which doesn’t really make anyone want to get on a bicycle.

However, if society as a whole deems that personal safety and protection from the possibility of injury is paramount and should outweigh all other considerations, that’s fine. That’s a decision that we as a society are entitled to make. But we then have to be consistent in that belief, which would then mean no more personal automobiles (the statistics of injury and death from automobile crashes out number just about everything else), helmets and wrist guards for walking (and only people under the age of 65, because a fall for a senior is substantially more dangerous to their health), certainly no more marine pleasure craft and no more alcohol, smoking, fatty foods, salt and sugar.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t wear a helmet or have lights and reflectors, you should be free to make that decision for yourself and based your own comfort level (reflective vests however are never necessary). The same way that it should be your decision to eat a whole bag of potato chips and drink beer, or to eat healthy and exercise. If  you think that helmet laws should be mandatory to protect people from themselves then that logic should be applied to everything, and the things listed above kill and injure a lot more people than bicycles do.

If we want people to ride bicycles the way to do it is to make it easy for them to choose to do it. Otherwise we should probably just ban them entirely.

My Worst Nightmare

Guy in the front: “Hi, I’m Bill, and as a eunuch I literally have no balls and squeal with a high voice when I see a bug. So I ride a three wheeled tandem recumbent because I’m too much of a baby to do anything with even a hint of danger, and it’s fun for me and my life partner.”

Guy in the back: “Bill sucks, but I’m scared of being alone, so I ride this god awful thing with him to make him happy. Also it won’t tip over so that I won’t skuff my new pleated Marks Work Warehouse slacks.”

The Glory of Mall Bicycle Security Guards

I know times are tough and jobs are few and far between. But I mean really, do you have no self respect? Do you think any teenager is going to listen to you when you’re wearing spandex covered in reflectors and shirts that are too tight?

The answer is of course no. All you’re going to get is some pimple faced teenager telling you to “fuck off” and spitting on you while you have to pedal your sorry ass away because you’re not allowed to do anything other than look cross. And really, do you actually want a real cop to see you dressed like this?

 

 

Kentucky Suck

This is an ad from a bicycling magazine that I read regularly. Now I’m generally pretty derisive towards Southern states, what with their history of racism and inbreeding. But now I have another reason to hate them: some of the fattest and ugliest cyclists I have ever seen! And this is from an ad PROMOTING Kentucky, I wonder what the models they rejected looked like.

I work in marketing, and if you’re trying to advertise to the week-end warrior types who would go for a cycling trip you might not want to use two fat sacks who are stuffed into spandex like rainbow-puke sausages. I know Kentucky is one of the fattest states in the US, but that’s not a good selling point… unless of course the message is: “come cycle in Kentucky, you won’t be as fat and ugly as the locals.”